For
most of my pregnancy, when asked my due date, I'd say "June 4, but he'll
most likely be born in late May." Specifically, I thought he'd be
born sometime between May 21 and May 28.
I
had a cerclage placed when I was 10 weeks pregnant to hopefully prevent preterm
labor and to prevent the necessity of bed rest. I had the exact same procedure
done when I was pregnant with Bennett because of the combined 20 weeks of bed
rest I endured while pregnant with Reid and Camille. With Bennett, once
the cerclage was removed at 37.5 weeks, he was born exactly one week
later.
The
cerclage removal was scheduled for May 21 which was a Thursday, and Brian and I
treated that as our deadline for being "ready" to have a 4th kid
(ha!). After the surgical procedure, the doctor said I was 3 cm dilated, and we
joked about possibly having a baby over Memorial Day weekend. The weekend
came and went with only sporadic contractions. On Wednesday night (almost
a week out), I began to think there was a very real possibility that I might be
in the early stages of labor. By about 10 pm I was having contractions
every 5 minutes that lasted a minute, but they just never felt quite strong
enough for me to justify calling the doctor. I decided to go to bed
figuring that if I was having a baby, surely I'd wake up and know. I woke
up about 5 hours later to go to the bathroom and realized I wasn't feeling a
single contraction.
The
next morning, I went for my 39 week OB appointment. I was still 3 cm
dilated. We discussed the options: 1) keep waiting 2) schedule a
"pseduo" induction which would just be breaking my water because I can't
have pitocin or other labor-augmenting drugs due to having had a previous
c-section 3) schedule a c-section. We decided to keep waiting.
Friday,
May 29 was eventful. I had been contracting off and on all day, and I
also had a headache that was getting worse by the evening. I finally
decided to go to bed in hopes that it was a migraine and it would dissipate
with sleep. I took Tylenol and went to sleep around 9 pm, but I kept
waking up with a throbbing headache. By 1:00am I was getting a little
worried about the headache being blood pressure related (even thought my BP had
been perfect throughout the pregnancy). I knew if I called the doctor on
call, they'd likely have me come in. I decided to call my dad and see if
I could borrow his blood pressure machine, just to get a reading at home.
My sweet dad came over around 2:00am, and we took my BP several times over half
an hour. We kept getting readings in the 140s/90s range (and even one in
the 150s/100s). This was concerning for me since I'm typically a 120/80
kind of girl.
So,
defeated, I called the on-call doctor. Of course, they told me to come in
to Labor and Delivery triage, and the doctor said if my BP remained high then
they would likely deliver the baby. My parents stayed with the kids, we went
into triage, and wouldn't you know, my very first BP reading was 116/78, AND my
headache had started to go away. My blood pressure readings over the next
couple of hours were all perfect. The theories about this are that the
headache was causing elevated blood pressure at home, the readings at home were
taken sitting up whereas the readings in L&D were taken with me on my left
side, or that the home monitor was really off (but my dad usually gets very
similar readings to what his doctor gets). In any case, I was very
relieved to be able to go back home around 5am Saturday.
The
next several days were a never-ending monotony of extreme discomfort and
contractions that never seemed to go anywhere. I went to the OB on June 2
for my (almost) 40 week appointment. I was dilated to 4 cm (so at least a
little progress!) and almost fully effaced. I also had an ultrasound that
showed a big, healthy baby who was unfortunately in the "sunny-side
up"/posterior position. This position can make if difficult for
labor to start and make for difficult and extra-painful labor and
delivery. My OB was willing to do the "pseudo" induction/
breaking of water at any time, and it was SO tempting to schedule it for the
next morning. However, after talking with my experienced doula, she
encouraged us to keep waiting and to go to the chiropractor and try some
positioning exercises to get the baby into optimal position.
That
day, I decided just to settle in for the long haul and not schedule any
induction. I made plans for the next few days like I wasn't going to have
a baby at any moment. I made it to Reid's end-of-kindergarten awards and
even his last day of school party on Friday, June 5. I couldn't believe
school was out, and I hadn't had this baby yet! We spent Friday afternoon
over at my parent's house playing with my sister's kids. I spent the
afternoon sitting on an exercise ball trying to bounce the baby out.
Friday night, I felt extra tired, and as soon as the kids were in bed, around 8
pm, I crawled in bed and slept for
the rest of the night.
Saturday,
June 6, Reid had a soccer game at 10am, and we planned to go over to Brian's
parents' house later that afternoon to swim and eat dinner. I woke up
around 6:45 that morning and decided to take a hot epsom salt bath because I
was achy and crampy. I told Brian I really wasn't sure I wanted to go to the
soccer game because I was just huge, and pregnant and achy, and it was supposed
to be very hot and humid. We debated about Bennett staying home with me
so Brian wouldn't have to wrangle all the kids at the soccer field. When
I realized that Brian's mom was going to the game, we decided Brian would take
all the kids (thank goodness!). I helped get everyone ready, and they
left the house around 9:45.
I
started some laundry and picked up the house a little bit then I decided to
take advantage of the completely quiet house to rest. I curled up in bed
with my giant pregnancy pillow, and turned the TV on. We don't have
cable, and the only thing on was a re-run of Criminal Minds. After
resting for a minute, I realized I was contracting again. No big deal
except that this contraction felt lower and more crampy than before.
About 6 minutes later, it happened again. I just knew these contractions
were "real". By 10:30 am, I called Brian at the soccer game to
tell him I was having regular contractions 5-6 minutes apart that felt more
real than the previous ones, but that there was no need to rush
home.
I
got out of bed and walked around the house for a few minutes, and the
contractions continued. I decided to go ahead and fix my hair and put on
make-up in case we were going in to the hospital soon. The contractions
continued and were somewhat painful. I also contacted my doula to let her
know what was going on. She suggested I take a bath to see if that slowed
things down at all so I did. In the bath, I was timing contractions and
they were every 3 minutes and hurting more. By this time it somewhere
between 11:15 and 11:30, and I still hadn't heard from Brian. I called
him, and he said they were just leaving the soccer field. I told him to
ask his mom to come back to our house to watch the kids because I was pretty
positive this was the real thing.
I
was about to call my parents, who were planning to be at the hospital for the
birth, when my mom called me. It turns out, they had been at Reid's
soccer game too, and they were fully aware of the situation. I told them
we'd probably be going into the hospital within the next 2 hours. I also
realized that I was suddenly starving, and I asked my parents to stop and pick
up something for lunch for me (random!).
By
11:45, I heard Brian and the kids arrive back home, and I had just called the
on-call OB and left a message with the answering service. The
contractions were getting closer and stronger. I knew I needed to get out
of the bath and get dressed for the hospital, but I REALLY didn't want
to. I slowly made my way out of the tub, the OB called back at noon and I
was having such a strong contraction I could barely talk to her. She told me to come right
in.
The
next half hour is a blur--I was back in our bedroom with the doors closed, but
I was vaguely aware that the kids,
my mother-in-law and my parents were all at the house. Brian was packing
up the car, and I was trying to give him instructions on last-minute
additions. My parents had my food, but by that point I was nauseated and
shaking and did not want to eat anything. I was trying to get dressed,
but each time I stood up, I seemed to have a stronger contraction. I
finally got dressed, and crawled onto my bed.
I
told Brian that I couldn't see the kids and tell them bye because the contractions
were so strong and close together and painful that I was afraid I would upset
them. The problem was, I needed to walk through the house to get to the
garage and to the car. Brian came up with the plan for me to go through
our bedroom door onto our patio, through the backyard and into the
driveway. He even closed the shutters in the family room so the kids
wouldn't see my getaway :-)
The
hospital is about 20 miles from our house, and I was so thankful that it was a
Saturday afternoon with light traffic. That car ride was intense.
When I had Bennett, I made it to about 8 cm without an epidural so I know what
strong contractions feel like. Somewhere between home and the hospital,
the contractions completely surpassed anything I had ever felt before. We
made it to the parking garage right outside of Labor and Delivery, but the
contractions were so strong and painful I thought I wasn't going to be able to
walk in. I waited through a couple more contractions leaning halfway in
and halfway out of Brian's car then found the strength to walk in.
Thank
goodness, the admissions people didn't make me sit in the little cubicle and
take all of my information and sign multiple forms. I think she asked
Brian a couple of questions and immediately called a nurse to take me
back. I was kneeling on the floor with my head on a chair when the nurse
came out, and she waited until that contraction was over before helping me walk
to a labor and delivery room. I remember hearing another nurse ask her if she
was going to take me to triage, and she replied that I was drenched in sweat
and kneeling on the floor so she figured she probably ought to take me straight
to a room.
My
beloved OB who had delivered the other 3 kids was out of town that weekend, so
Dr. Tara Dullye was on call for him. I had met her several times, and she
actually assisted on my c-section with Reid so I was comfortable with her, and
honestly, at this point, I did not care who delivered this baby!
Dr.
Dullye was already at the hospital when I arrived, and as soon as I was able to
crawl onto the hospital bed she checked my cervix—9 centimeters! You would think this was awesome news,
but in reality it kind of scared me.
Yes, this was my 4th kid, but the first was a scheduled
c-section, the second was a VBAC with an epidural around 6-7 cm and the third
was a VBAC with an epidural around 8 cm.
I had planned all along with this pregnancy to go totally natural. I had hired an expert doula (birth
attendant/coach) to help me through the process this time. (Shout out to Melissa Espey-Mueller
with North Dallas Doula Associates—she’s so knowledgeable and good!). However, the doula hadn’t arrived yet,
and I was honestly just scared of the pain and scared of the thought of doing
this all by myself.
The
doula arrived about 10 minutes after we did, but truly everything was a blur by
that point. The back of the
hospital bed was elevated, and I was on my knees leaning over the back of the
bed. It was the only position that seemed remotely “doable” at that point. I had thrown up a few times, and the
nurses were trying to start an IV access which is hospital policy since I had
previously had a c-section. They
also had to have me on continuous fetal monitoring so they were trying to get
that set up even though it was difficult with the position I was in.
The
contractions. Oh. My. Stars. The
contractions. I was having major
back labor, and I just felt like my hips and lower back were going to explode
with each one. Brian and the doula
were doing hip compressions with each contraction, and in my mind, they were
the ones causing the excruciating pain.
At one point, I yelled for them to stop then immediately realized that
the pain was MUCH worse without the compressions! I wasn’t screaming, but I was sweating, shaking, and
crying. I know it’s shocking that
I wasn’t a zen earth mama laboring goddess ;-) I believe the only “mantras” that I was chanting were “no,
no, no!”, “ please make it stop”, “I can’t do this”, and “Oh God! Please help”.
My
water had not yet broken, and the OB and the doula both kept encouraging me to
let the doctor break my water to speed up the end of labor. I understood their point, but I knew
I’d have to roll onto my back for her to break my water, and the thought of
that just seemed impossible at that point. After a few more contractions, I think I agreed, and somehow
got on my back. She broke my
water, and I was 10 centimeters dilated and fully effaced. Unfortunately, there was also meconium
present in my amniotic fluid (just like with Bennett) so they started calling
down a NICU team to be present for delivery for suctioning.
It
seemed like once my water broke everyone thought the baby would be born in a
matter of minutes. The whole room
was set up, the doctor was in her gown, and the NICU team was ready. However, in spite of continuing
contractions, I felt no urge to push.
This went on for at least 45 minutes, and the doctor and doula believed
that the baby was probably still sunny-side up, or at least partially rotated,
which is why he wasn’t coming out.
During this 45 minutes, I upped my “crazy laboring lady” game by
repeatedly BEGGING the OB for narcotics.
I knew it was too late for an epidural, but I had that IV access started
already, and I just kept thinking that if she gave me something…ANYTHING to
take the edge off then I might survive.
Dr. Dullye would sweetly tell me that it was too late and that giving me
narcotics that close to delivery would be bad for the baby and leave him
“stunned” and possibly struggling at birth. In all my maternal glory, all I could think in response to
that was, “I don’t care. They have
a NICU upstairs.” It’s terrible! Definitely not my finest moment! But alas, no narcotics were
administered.
The
doula suggested moving me onto my side with one leg in a stirrup to try to get
the baby into position to push.
Her knowledge really was invaluable at this point. I, of course, was resistant, because I
just didn’t want to move again. I
did though, and around this time, the doctor stepped out of the room for a
minute. The doula had told me at
some point that pushing would make me feel better—that I could “push away the
pain of the contraction”. I
suddenly felt the slightest urge to push along with a very strong and painful
contraction. I was so fearful of
pushing for some reason, but I just grabbed on to that idea of pushing making
the contraction go away, and I started pushing with everything I had. I was told I pushed twice, but I don’t
remember ever stopping pushing once I started. Once I felt the burn of pushing I just wanted the baby out
that instant.
The
doctor wasn’t in the room, the nurse started paging her, and she ran in scrubs
without her gown on and couldn’t find another one. She realized there was no time to find another gown, and she
caught the baby just as he came out.
I looked down for a moment and saw him coming out, but the doctor
immediately cut the cord and handed him off to the NICU team for suctioning.
For
the first 2-3 minutes, all I could do was cry—I almost felt like I was in shock
at what my body had just endured.
I would also ask if the baby was okay. Even though his first APGAR was a 3, he was quickly pink and
they told me his heart rate and breathing were fine. He finally made one tiny cry, and I knew he was okay. I finally got to hold my sweet
Collin.
The
official stats:
June
6, 2015 at 2:32 pm
8
pounds 7 ounces (our biggest baby by 5 ounces)
20
¼ inches
4
hours and 32 minutes from first real contraction to delivery
In
conclusion, the first words out of my mouth regarding natural childbirth after
pushing Collin out were “I can’t believe I just did that. That was the dumbest decision of my
life!” However, I also know that I
would have been SO disappointed in myself if I had not followed through with my
natural childbirth plan. I won’t
say natural childbirth is for everyone, and if I was having a 5th
kid (WHICH I AM NOT. EVER.), I really would have to think long and hard about
whether I wanted another natural childbirth or not. It was painful, it was scary, it was stressful, but it was
also empowering. I liken it to
running a marathon (another thing I’ll never do). I did it, it was insanely difficult, I never want to do it
again, and I want a sticker for the back of my car J.