My biggest fear was that I would cry during our wedding. Actually, my biggest fear was that Brian would cry during our wedding. Thank the Lord, Brian held it together. I, on the other hand, did not.
Side note: I have no problem with other people crying during their weddings. It's just that the thought of 150 of our closest family and friends witnessing such an emotionally intimate moment really freaked me out.
Back to the story. As I waited with my dad, bridesmaids and flower girls, I suddenly became so nervous that I felt sick. I remember crouching down on my feet (in the big dress) and one of my bridesmaids moving my veil off my face in case I threw up. I didn't, praise the Lord. When it was time to walk down the aisle my heart was racing, and I remember that the combination of the veil over my face and all the white lights and candlelight in the sanctuary cast a magical glow. About halfway up the aisle, I remembered to look up, and there stood my prince charming! I was so relieved/happy/nervous/excited/nervous/petrified/nervous...
Brian was smiling, calm and brimming with confidence, as usual. He was relaxed when he repeated his vows with a clear, strong voice. I, on the other hand, said them so quietly they were hardly audible. And, I realized at some point in the ceremony that I was rocking back and forth on my feet. Embarrassing. Then, the mother of all my worst, emotionally-stunted nightmares: during the lighting of the unity candle I was overcome with emotion while listening to my dear friends sing and Brian pray for us. I cried.
This was not a lose control, sobbing, ugly cry, but it was definitely more than a glisten in my eyes. My sister surreptitiously passed the tissue she had been clasping around her bouquet. I had my back to the congregation during all of this, and I wiped my eyes and regained control before I turned back around. I'm good like that. What I didn't realize until later was that this entire display had been captured by the videographer in the choir loft. Right down to the lip tremble before the tears started flowing. Ugh.
When we were pronounced husband and wife and walked out to Vivaldi's Spring, I felt so much joy and relief wash over me. We were married, and I had survived the ceremony! I was extremely relaxed and happy through the reception. Until I started thinking about the wedding night. And on that note, I will leave you with some pictures. Of the wedding. Not the wedding night ;)