Saturday, April 24, 2010

Emotions

Today was the big move, and tonight is our first night in the new house. I am overwhelmed by many emotions right now. Ugh. I hate being overly emotional, and I'm typically not so good at talking about how I really feel. But tonight I feel honest, so here goes:

I am sad. I'm mourning the loss of being an active parent to Reid. I'm letting go of all the spring and summer fun I had planned for our family...trips to the Arboretum and zoo, afternoons at the park and playing in our new backyard. I'm sad because the combination of me being on bed rest and us moving seems to have been very difficult on Reid so far. He's out of sorts, fussy and needy. It breaks my heart that I can't always scoop him up and comfort him when he cries (and that sometimes, when he's crying and I hold my arms out to him, he turns away from me and runs to my mom).

I'm tired of feeling deep, gnawing anxiety that keeps me awake for hours at night. I'm tired of analyzing every blasted feeling, twinge, sensation in my abdomen wondering if i'm only moments away from my water breaking and the devastating outcome that would bring. I'm sad that I've lost my excitement about having this sweet girl and that I can't bear to look at crib bedding and dresses online because it makes the precarious nature of this situation more real to me.

In the midst of all this, I also feel overwhelmingly hopeful about this pregnancy and blessed by the friends and family in our lives. I have been so humbled by the support and love we've received so far.

All this emotion, and we're only 1 week into this great adventure!


On a totally different note, we had to take Reid to the ER last night when he woke up with croup. All the steam in the world (or, rather, our hot water heater) could not call his breathing. The staff at Children's Plano was awesome, and after steroids and breathing treatments he was MUCH better. Seriously, I can't take anymore drama!!!

4 comments:

Barbara Ann said...

Reid doesn't understand now, but you are giving him such an amazing gift by taking care of yourself- a sibling. He will adjust to having a mom who temporarily can't run around with him and then will be extra psyched when you are up and around again and even more excited when he can play with a little sister. We're thinking of all of you and keeping you in our prayers. Love you all.

Jennifer said...

Keep thinking positive thoughts Allison! I can't imagine being on bedrest with a 1 year old AND moving...I give you tons of credit! Just remember that you're an AWESOME mom!

the keiffers said...

Reid will bounce back. That's the beauty of little boys...less drama than us! Well. Most of the time.:) And I was thinking the other day how great it must be for him to know exactly where you are all the time so he can snuggle with you whenever he wants. This may not have been your plan but God had something better in mind. He took care of Reid and He will take care of your little girl. So just RELAX and enjoy these sweet moments you have reading to Reid and snuggling with him. Pretty soon he'll have to share the attention. :)You're doing great!! Hang in there. Praying for you guys. Love you!!

Jordan & Angela said...

ohhhh, hang in there! I can't imagine what you're going through. Praying every day that all these burdons would be lighter.